Letters to Santa

Okay, folks, this is… Hmm. Well, I was digging around in my files this evening (damn, it’s almost 11pm) and I found something which I think was supposed to be longer and never got finished. I’m fairly sure it was supposed to be longer and a lot sadder, and maybe one day it will be, but for now there’s about a page of it and I thought I’d share it. It is that time of year…

Uh, also, I updated the What I’m Up To page today. I’m working on getting the next Thaumatology book going, hence me finding this. Here we go. All spelling errors are intended. Hope you’re as amused as I was when I found it.

A Letter to Santa

By Lilith Carpenter, aged 7¾

Dear Santa,

I know I am a half-sucky-bus, but I think I should be allowed to write a letter to you, even if Miriam Wooster says I cant, but everyone says how she smells so I think I can because she smells. So I am writing you this letter so that you will no what I want fro Chissmas.

Mummy says that you only bring presents to good little girls. I am a good little girl even if I am a half-sucklybus. I help my Mummy with the dishes. I dry dishes real good and I have not broken one this month. I have not pulled Miriam Wooster’s hair for a week even if she smells and calls me a big fat demon. I am not a demon. I am a half-sucsybus.

Okay what I would like for Chissmas is a Daddy. I would like a Daddy because all the other children have one, even if they do not all live with them. I dont have a Daddy at all. Well I do but he is in demonland with the other demons and I cant even visit him or call him on the telyphone. I would like a Daddy so I can be like everone else. But most of all I would like a Daddy because my Mummy needs him to. I see her looking sad sometimes and I know having a Daddy to be with would make her happy and I want Mummy to be happy so I would like a Daddy.

And a pony.

Thank you Santa.

Love, Lilith.

~~~

By Lilith Carpenter, aged 8¾

Dear Santa,

Thank you for sending me my Daddy. He is a great Daddy and tells me the best bedtime stories.

My spelling has got a lot better in the last year. I am amazed you could read last year’s letter. I suppose you have a lot of practice reading bad writing.

I have been a really good girl this year. Daddy says I will grow up to be a good little succubus, just like Tef. Mummy says I have to stay a good little girl, otherwise I will be a right little madam. I hope I can be a good little succubus and a good little girl.

Thank you for sending my Daddy.

Please could I have the pony now.

Love, Lilith.

~~~

By Ceridwyn Brent, aged 9

Dear Santa,

Look, I realise you’re a mythical, pseudo-religious character created to Christianise a pagan myth-figure, but our teacher says we have to write a “Letter to Santa” to put up on the pin-board, so here is mine. Don’t get me wrong, I love presents just as much as the next kid, but I know you don’t come down the chimney to deliver them. For one thing, Dad told me years ago you were fictional, and even if my parents wanted to be a bit secretive about putting the presents out, I spotted them sneaking down from the attic last year.

Okay, now we have that out of the way, I guess I should give you the list. I’d like:

A My First Alchemy Set.

A thaumometer of my own. Dad has loads, but I’d like one. A proper one, not a kid’s one.

A copy of the Junior Thaumatologist’s Encyclopaedia.

Oh, and a pet dragon.

Thanks, Ceri.

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25 responses to “Letters to Santa

  1. A pet dragon?

    Do you have ANY idea how much those eat? (and WHO they eat?)

  2. OMG! Just Hi.La.Ri.Ous! Thank you very much for sharing this.

  3. It was very entertaining and I can definitely relate to Ceri on this one lol.
    And at least Lilith got half her X-mas presents.

  4. Ceri should get someone to craft a set of My Little Demon Ponies for Lily. Maybe Ooda already has some.

  5. Love the letters! LOL! I also like Ooda’s playing with My Little Demon Ponies. With anatomically correct details!

  6. You know, folks, I don’t see Ooda as a My Little Demon Pony sort of det. If she had a brother, I think she’d be stealing his Action Devos (with realistic fireball-throwing action (TM)). Maybe she had a My First Demon Torturer set (with realistic fire-branding action (TM)). I think she’s now a little old for the new Lady Ayasha action figures (with realistic fireball-throwing action (TM)), but she’d have certainly had one given the chance. (Customer Warning: Lady Ayasha action figures are not to be shown to the real Lady Ayasha on pain of the user becoming an actual action figure and being given to a two-year-old Devim. Seriously. She must never know!)

  7. Just use a typical Shetland pony as the archetype for the demon pony. nasty nature, biting, cantankerous disobedient little blighters.
    I promise I wont tell Lady Ayasha about your marketing of her unauthorized action figurines as long as you get me a new book to read. I am suffering from withdrawal symptoms.
    Love all your stories…..

    • On that basis, more or less any British (and a lot of other) pony breeds works. They’re all evil. Evil I tell you!

      New book out before Christmas. Believe me, the way things are going just this minute, that won’t be easy, but I’ll do it somehow. I’m just glad I already made up the cover. Otherwise I’d really be pushing it to get the thing ready.

  8. I’m guessing no one is giving Ceri a Sorceress Barbie for Christmas. Maybe Ophelia could get away with it on April 1st.

  9. How about a Bondage Fairies art book for Twill?

  10. Perhaps you can take your creative breaks to collect some of those ideas into an “Outtakes from the Thaumology Universe” kind of anthology.

    I’d immediately buy it. … Well, I immediately buy everything you publish at the moment.

    Adding another idea: A family of Dets on a Christmas Buying Spree at Harrods. The jelly beans department alone would make a story …

  11. I’m another of the immediate buyers of any of your books.

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